I just read a very nice article in Yahoo about the seven things that no one tells you about marriage. Most of them are pretty much common sense. We all know them although we tend to ignore them. Say for example - working hard for the marriage, discovering who you really are, etc. etc. But the one thing that really caught my attention was about the comment on handling couple's spats. You know... everybody says (and I heard it so many times from marriage gurus)..."Never sleep until you resolve your differences." Well, this doesn't really work for me right from the start as I am a person who keeps quiet when I am angry. It is always better to let me calm down first.. don't talk to me OR you'll just see how seething mad I am. So, it's comforting to read from the article that IT IS OKAY to go to bed mad. You don't need to pressure yourself to feel better and be noble just to show your dedication to your promise of "for better or for worse".
During the first few years of our marriage this was always our problem. My partner has this "old school" notion that married couple should try very hard to resolve their conflict as soon as possible. He wants to tell his side of story, then I tell mine, then we'll analyze why a conflict happened in the first place. Geee... his side of story would ALWAYS be wrong from my point of view when I am mad. So, for me, there is no point of being so objective about the whole fight when all you have are all emotions? Believe me, when you have all these anger in you, you can't hear any reasons at all. So, why not let all emotions run low? Calm down. Stop talking. Be quiet. And sleep if you can. This always works for me. The next day is a better day. I can talk. I can think. I can smile a little bit or maybe laugh on how silly the reasons why we fought in the first place.
In our several years of marriage, I can no longer count how many times we fought. Some of them were even worse that we dare each other to just leave and give up the marriage. Nonetheless, we manage to patch up and say sorry... but this would be done the following day when all heads cooled off and all minds are ready to accept explanations. After all, how could you complain when your partner is a lot sweeter after every "lovers' quarrel" you have?